People Hear What They See, Not What You Say

We live in a virtual world. We can send messages around the world in a nanosecond. Computerized inventory systems are "live" and can give us an update as fast as it takes us to scan the product either coming in the back door or going out the front. But are we paying too high a price for all of this technology?

The majority of our future work force has honed their communication skills via this virtual world. Text messaging emails and fax machines are a must-have to be competitive in today's global marketplace. The internet has created a level playing-field so most small companies can compete world wide. Unfortunately, with most ups come downs. The downside, in this case, is that it has taken away the opportunity for people to develop their one-on-one, face-to-face communication skills.

According to communications expert Dr. Ralph Nichols, who has devoted a lifetime researching how humans communicate and listen, we communicate 93% of the time non-verbally. (38% of the 93% is through our tone of voice, and 55% of the 93% is through body language alone.) Think about the significance of those percentages. We are communicating all the time even if we aren't verbalizing. (A picture really is worth a thousand words.) According to Dr. Nichols, people tend to believe the non-verbal communication as being more accurate. That's why it is so important that we pay attention to our body language. Our actions and words must be congruent or the person we're communicating with won't believe a word we say.

Person-to-person communication is more effective than any other medium. But without the proper training and the opportunity to practice, chances are we'll never be good at it. Results of a recent survey published in the Harvard Review stated that a leader's ability to communicate effectively is the number one reason for success or failure. (I define communication as the exchange of thoughts and ideas between one or more people.) The most successful companies are those companies that develop relationships with their clients, both internal and external. Networking 101 has become the new contact sport. People aren't born knowing how to communicate effectively. It's an acquired skill. Yet we're graduating students who are technically very competent at what they do but lack the necessary communication skills needed to build relationships with clients and the people they work with.

A person's emotional state plays a huge role in the communication process (especially with women who are far more in tune with their emotional side than men). We interpret what we see based on how it makes us feel. If a person looks happy, we perceive them to be happy, even if they're not. If a person looks sad, we perceive them to be sad even if they aren't. That's why looks are so important: If you look like a pro, and act like a pro, then people will perceive you to be a pro. Their perception is their reality. Keep that in mind the next time you're with a client or at a function building your network. It's not what you are saying that's important. It's how you go about saying it. Remember - people hear what they see, not what you say.

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