Book Review: Subject - Interpersonal Relationships

Title: Dealing With Difficult People
Author: Roberta Cava
Publisher Key Porter Books
ISBN: 1-555263-574-0

Difficult people are a lot like death and taxes: You can try to avoid them but eventually you'll run out of places to hide. I equate difficult people and conflict as one and the same. It seems you can't have one without the other, especially in working situations. Think of one job you could do in your lifetime that didn't involve dealing with people. (And if you find one, let me know. They're impossible to come by, especially if you want to get paid.) Fortunately, having to deal with difficult people most of the time is not the norm; unless, of course, you happen to work in a call centre or you're the manager of a complaints department.

Whenever you have more than one person in a room, the potential for conflict exists. It may disguise itself as a misunderstanding or a disagreement, but it's conflict nonetheless. Conflict itself, when you think about it, is a fact of life. And the trouble is that most of us aren't equipped to handle it very well. Trust me, avoidance is not conflict resolution. A "situation" won't go away simply by ignoring it. Avoidance creates tension, and tension creates stress, and we all know that too much stress in our lives isn't healthy.

Fear no more! Help is on the way. Roberta Cava has come to the rescue with her latest book, Dealing With Difficult People: How to Deal With Nasty Customers, Demanding Bosses, and Annoying Co-workers. Cava is a career counsellor and human resource specialist who has worked with thousands of people worldwide, teaching them how to deal with difficult people. I found her book to be well-written and easy to understand. Cava lays it all out there in an easy-to-follow format, from understanding behaviour and basic communication skills, to ending off with some suggestions on how to deal with a cast of characters you're likely to run into. You know: manipulators, clients, supervisors, co-workers and subordinates.

Like Cava, I believe that having the ability to communicate effectively is the key to dealing with difficult people. You need to be able to read between the lines. You need to be able to figure out what is really going on. Recent studies conducted by Dr. Ralph Nichols concluded that we communicate 93% of the time non-verbally. It's not the words you say, per se, but how you go about saying them. The study also concluded that most people believe your non-verbal actions to be more accurate than your verbal communication. Then, when you throw in how women and men communicate differently you can start to see why communication breakdown is one of the main causes of conflict.

I'm a student of human behaviour. I enjoy observing people: what makes them think the way they do, what makes them act in a certain way. I believe that there are four distinct styles of behaviour and that each style communicates and acts differently. I was pleased to see that Cava devoted Chapter 1 of her book to this subject. She outlines the four styles on pages 24 and 25. She's also included some great tips on how to deal with assertive, passive, and aggressive types.

Cava's book passed my thumb test with flying colours. I recommend that you add her book to your list of must-haves. It's well worth the read.